An Open Letter to Corporate America

Dear Sirs,

You rotten, filthy, slime covered, greed-head, goat-fucks. Congratulations, your worship of the Almighty Dollar has finally caused the World economy to collapse. Your inability to control your own greed has resulted in financial ruin for the whole country. I am so angry right now, that I find it difficult to organize my thoughts enough to put them in some cohesive form. So, cohesive or not, here goes:

Earlier in the year, we, the American people, were told that due to the price of oil, people could not afford the costs of fuel. That caused many companies to cut hours, production and even jobs. The construction industry began to suffer and no new homes were being built. Also, with many people being laid off or losing their jobs altogether, mortgages were not being paid and as a result of THAT, banks began to foreclose on many properties. As a result of THAT, the banking industry was left with a shit load of bad debt. As a result of THAT, many banks were left with more debt than they had assets. As a result of THAT, the banks began to fail. Since FDIC is only good up to 150,000 dollars the banks had to go to Uncle Sugar (Congress) and say, "Please Sir, may I have some more?" Congress, being a veritable cornucopia of rotten, filthy, slime covered, greed-head, goat-fucks, themselves, agreed to bail out the banking industry. Because, after all, who are they to cast stones? Not to mention, the coffers are virtually running over with money collected from the great citizens of this country, who are only too willing to do their "patriotic" duty and give up up to one half of their incomes at the stroke of a pen. The pen is indeed, mightier than the sword, eh?

Upon receipt of this influx of cash, we, the American people, find out that some of the money we gave ( not so willingly or cheerfully, I might add) went to posh resorts for the purpose of "schmoozing" their clientele. Not smart. But hey, we're Americans, right? We can take it. What's one more fleecing / ass raping by Congress. After all, it's only money.

Not to be outdone, theAuto making industry in this country took a look at their books and realized that maybe, perhaps, they had a little more going out than was coming in. So, off to Congress they went. Congress knew from their previous dealings over bail-outs, that the American people can only take being cornholed in small doses. But, they were willing to listen. One of the first things brought to light was the fact that the CEO's of the three auto makers had all flown to Washington in their own private jets that cost upwards in the amount of 20 million dollars apiece. Once again...Not smart, Bubba. The auto makers' reply: "Why are you bringin' up old shit?"

Congress sent them packing without so much as even listening to what they had to say. (Much to the amusement of the American people) More or less, they were told not to come back until they had (a) a damn good reason for the need for so much cash. (b) A damn good means of paying the money back. And finally, (c) a willingness to make some serious concessions for said cash.

Back to their respective companies they went. They met with other greed-head leaders and bean counters and came up with a plethora of reasons that it was essential they receive this money. "We'll have to close plants." "People are going to lose their jobs." We won't be able to make any more cars." "The foreign manufacturers will be the only ones making cars in this country!" And my personal favorite: "BANKRUPTCY IS NOT AN OPTION!!"

So, in other words, your business model has failed. The competition is out-doing you. You're bleeding money like a sieve. Your company has spent more money than it made and you're in over your collective heads and you see no way out without a huge influx of cash. The labor that you hired to build your automobiles has caught the "greed bug" themselves and aren't willing to budge an inch on how much money it will take for them to be willing to BE the labor end of your organisation. Under the present conditions, you can't afford to pay them to work so, therefore, you have no product being produced. Thus, no money coming in to repay a loan of any kind.

Now...Tell me how this is MY problem. Tell me, as an American Taxpayer, ( You know, the one who'll be "loaning" you this money ) how you're a good credit risk. If I went to you, right now, to try and buy one of your automobiles, with my individual credit rating, you'd throw me out of your building, after you stopped laughing. Yet, here you stand with the nerve and audacity to ask ME for some of MY money that I have to scrape and scrounge for, myself. And trust me when I say...Right now, your credit looks much worse than mine. See, I've never had my hands on millions of ANYTHING that was mine to keep or to lose. But, I feel that I could honestly say that if I DID have those millions, I'd make it a point to at least TRY to keep as much of it as possible. You know, just in case things didn't work out like I thought they would.

You see, that's how life is for the other 98 percent of the people in this and every other country in the "Free World".

You're not the only ones with money problems, Jack. The wolves are at ALL of our doors. And for you to stand there and act as if your money problems are more important to the welfare of this country than mine, only makes me want to rip out your collective spleens and do the Snoopy dance on your entrails, all the more.

I do know this, though: When I contracted Lymphoma and was unable to work and keep up with the necessary payments on my own home, there was no one there from Uncle Sugar with a big, fat, bailout check for me and my family. It was, "Sorry Bub. Shit happens." "Just be patient and buck up, little cowboy." "Things will surely get better." "You're still gonna lose your shit, though."

My question to you is this:

Why are your fuck-ups not yours to deal with? And... What are you gonna do for me?

Oh, and we DON'T need "more of the same". We can do this bad all by ourselves, thank you.

My advise to you is this:

Go ask the banking industry for the money...We just loaned them a shit-load. You can't have mine.